Slow improvements?

I think I’m slowly getting a bit better! Well my legs are at least. Still get really dizzy and stuff like that, and the headaches are a bit much lately. But today I walked to get lunch at a pita place that I’ve gone to once before with the walker I’ve been using for a bit of extra help right now, and had to take a break half way, but today I made it there without a break! It’s not very far, but for me it felt like an eternity just a couple of weeks ago. It feels good! Well, I mean I my legs don’t feel so good but I’m happy I was able to do it! I also found $5 on the ground on my way home, which was awesome. It was almost like some kind of cosmic reward for making it. Or at least I’m going to tell myself it is, so thanks a bunch, universe. Ha!

I had a couple visitors yesterday, which was nice. I also hung out with my new MS friend on Friday and we went out for dinner near by and it was really nice! She’s been a big help in all of this for me, a great person to talk to about it all. And we have a lot in common so I’m really glad we met!

So again, I remind myself to take it one day at a time, and stay hopeful that things will continue to get better. But for now, I must lay on the couch with my crazy cat watching really bad wedding shows on TLC. I don’t know why, but it’s happening.

M

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Checking in

Hello again, blog world!

So I thought I’d share a little update on the MS front. I think my legs are a bit better, feeling just a little stronger, which is great! They are still really heavy and sore but I’ve been trying to walk a bit further then I have been with the walker, trying to push it a little bit. It’s just a fine line between pushing it a bit, and pushing it too far, which is difficult to figure out. I sure am trying though! Have a physio guy coming tomorrow so that’s good.

I’m still pretty sick of my apartment, and the tiny area around my apartment that I can venture out to on my own. One can only go to Starbucks so many times without starting to hate Starbucks… Oh who am I kidding, I love Starbucks. I think I’ll go there later actually. Haha!

I haven’t really had any visitors this week. Unless you count my cat, which most people don’t, which I think is just catist. Yeah I just made that up. I did try reaching out to some people and invited them to come by visit me! Had a couple different people say they want to but that’s about it. Oh well, it’s fine, I’ve been distracting myself with lots of Netflix. Im on a new show (Rectify, it’s really good!) and I’ve been trying to get out for a little bit most days. So if people feels like showing up, I’ll be here, and if not, I’ll be fine on my own, with said cat. I’m not so bad to hang out with at least!

I’ve also gotten back to my role of “Welcomer” on the forum I frequent for people with MS (www.shift.ms, check it out!) I just message new members welcoming them to the site, which is fun! Gives me something to do. Even if I do have to take breaks some times because the computer still makes me feel all dizzy and crazy if I’m on it for too long (kinda like I’m drunk, without the fun parts). I’m also trying to get more involved with the group I’m in through the MS Society, so at least I have a couple things going on! Hoping to start doing more slowly.

So that’s where I’m at these days. Nothing very exciting! Hope anyone who reads this is doing well. Whoever you are!

M

Stares

Here’s the thing, I understand the curiosity, or even confusion, seeing someone young with a walker. Most people don’t know about MS. Even some friends of mine still have no idea what it means that I have it. It’s frustrating, but that’s just how it is.

I mentioned in my last post that I’m still having a bit of a tough time with my current relapse. I’ve been trying to get out and walk more using the new fancy walker I have (basket and all!) and just ignore the funny looks I get. People in the city are not shy about openly staring, apparently! I just smile back at them (I may or may not sometimes be secretly giving them the finger in my head.. Lol!), but I think I’d rather people just ask me. I’ll tell you! I have MS, and I need the help to walk right now while I’m trying to recover. That’s life, so take your judgey looks, and… google it. Okay that’s not what I actually wanted to say ;)

I’m still trying my best to stay positive. I have a physiotherapist coming to my apartment sometime this week, and they are going to teach me some home exercises and stuff like that. So that’s good! Maybe it’ll at least help me feel like I’m doing something instead of just sitting and worrying about everything.

Haven’t heard too much from the Toronto friends lately. I think people just get wrapped up in their own lives and forget about others sometimes. I get it, everyone has their own stuff going on, life is busy, but it’s still a bit disappointing! It does make me appreciate the ones that do try to keep in touch that much more though. So that’s good!

Today is my dad’s birthday and we are going out for dinner, which is nice! I’ve been extra dizzy the past couple days so I’m definitely bringing my walker to hold onto, and a smile for anyone who wants to stare at me for it. :D

M

Sucks!

I’m going to be honest with you guys, like I said I would.. relapsing sucks! I’m finally done the steroids now (phew!) but things don’t really seem to be getting better just yet. My legs are still pretty bad. Stiff, heavy, painful, and only gets worse as I walk, or stand. I’ts tough but I’m trying to just stay positive, and to be patient through all this. Also I just try to find things to keep myself distracted (what would I do without you, Netflix?!)

Feeling cooped up these days, though my family has been great with coming to visit me lots. My dad has been coming by, and my cool new MS friend came and hung out with me yesterday! It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who understands what it’s like. I’m really glad I met her, it’s been a big help through all of this to have someone who can relate.

Going to see a lady at the MS clinic tomorrow about starting physio and to hopefully figure out a plan for that, so just trying to focus on that and hope for the best! And to remember, one day at a time. Right?

M

Boooring

Still stuck at home. And bored! Bored of feeling sick, and sore, and tired. Bored of staying home and not seeing people! I’ve been at my apartment and had my mom visiting this weekend, which was nice, and helpful, I just wonder when I’m going to get back to normal life! Where I can do things! Like you know, go out and see people, have fun, and feel 26 years old?

I actually went out with the walker I got to help me out right now for the first time by myself today, just did a little walk around my building to get the blood flowing. Haven’t done much this weekend since I’ve also been pretty sick with a cold or something as well, which has made things more difficult. Being sick sort of exacerbates my symptoms too. I just want to try and push myself to walk a bit more every day to get things moving again. I try not to worry that things aren’t going to get better, but the worry has been creeping in a little these days. It’s hard not to let it. It’s a real jerk, that worry thing.

I know I need to find some patience, and give myself time to recover. I think starting some kind of physio will teach me what to do to work on it, but there’s that good old impatient Melissa peeking through these days sometimes.

She will have to chill out.

Like this lazy cat. Who is turning out to be a disappointing roommate, as she hasn’t even tried to help with the dishes or anything in my time of need. ;)

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M

Relapsin’

Been a bit MIA from the blog these days, haven’t been doing so hot. This relapse is kicking my ass a little right now to be honest. That, the steroid side effects, and now a cold are all adding up to me feeling pretty awful! Not to mention the fatigue, and chronic pain I have… Pretty much everywhere. But you know what? It could always be worse. I mean sometimes you’ve just gotta complain a bit, because it does suck, but I try to remind myself that there’s always someone out there having a harder time than I.

I’ve been staying at my dad’s place this week, letting him take care of me a bit!Its nice to have the help, and the company, of course! He and my step mom have been great. I would usually rather stay home at my own place, but when I’m feeling this rough, I seem to prefer to have people around. It can get pretty lonely, especially when you’re not up to leaving the house. I am starting to feel a bit homesick now though, so will probably head back home soon.

Not much to update on really. Just trying to deal with it one day at a time and not worry too much about what will come of everything. Still hoping I’m able to recover, at least mostly, from this one, and plan on getting into physio/rehab ASAP to help things along. Looking into buying a walker to help me get around in the mean time, which feels a bit intimidating to think about needing, but I think it would help get me out of the house easier when I’m up to it, and that sounds good to me! I’m not looking forward to the inevitable weird looks I’ll be getting, but that’s on those people, not me. So I need a little help right now, deal with it, suckas! Talking to my new friend who has MS (the one I’ve mentioned before, great girl!) has made me a bit less freaked out by it. She just made its seem so normal and not a big deal, and that helps. I don’t think it will be a forever thing, but whatever helps me get through right now seems to just make sense, amiright?!

That’s all for now!

M

Roidin’ out

Ugh. Steroids. What a brutal thing to put your body through! Can’t sleep, don’t want to eat, and just generally feel like a crazy person! I understand the necessity of it right now though. When an MS relapse is happening, there is an abnormal amount of inflammation causing the various problems. The best way to calm this is by taking the steroids. Now, I do like to joke that I’m simply working on my muscles in this time, pumping up a la Arnold, but sadly, they are a different kind of ‘roid.

I’ve been on the intravenous drip of “solumedrol” for 5 days now, and just had my last dose this afternoon. I’m glad that part is over, but I still have another 10 days of steroid pills (prednisone) that acts as a sort of taper off of the drugs. I had to request this because originally my doctor was going to just have me stop cold turkey from the IV, and I know how hard that is on the body and how sensitive I am to it so I pushed for the taper. Thankfully he agreed, phew!

But unfortunately they do have a lot of side effects, that do not feel great. They gave me pills for my stomach, but it still does a real number on everything in there. Also, they give pills to help with sleep, but I still am left feeling like a zombie all of the time. Not so great, though that could come in handy if I ever wanted to get background work on “The Walking Dead”…great practice. Lol!

I haven’t really wanted to eat for about a week now, which has only gotten worse the past couple of days, I think from the drugs, but I make sure I am having enough to get by (Don’t worry mom! lol). Luckily, I really enjoy good food, so I’m able to convince myself to get some down, when it’s delicious ;)

Here’s me telling my IV port to peace out, earlier today!
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getting all that tape off was probably the worst part. I honestly would rather be jabbed with another needle then go through all that pulling and tearing. Ouch! The poor nurse felt so bad, but I tried to put on my tough face! Lol

So, done with the IV now, ready to get the pill portion done with, and hoping everything starts to take effect sooner rather than later! These legs are really bringing me down. Someone once explained it to me as feeling like you’re walking underwater. So picture trying to drag your stiff, sore legs across the ocean floor, with water up to your waist. That kinda describes how walking feels to me right now, in a way at least!

Been trying to share this blog a bit more openly these days. Getting a lot of positive support from friends and family about it also, so to any new readers, I just wanted to say thanks for catching up, I’m happy to hear people are enjoying what I have to share. I did warn you all it was going to be pretty honest, didn’t I?!

Off to hang out with my older bro now, having a bit of a rough day but gonna see if we can maybe get out for a coffee or something, well tea, I’m not supposed to have coffee on the steroids apparently! That is if he’s ready to try and maneuver these Toronto roads ;). Later a new friend of mine that I met through the MS society might stop by also. So lots of visitors today, and it’s nice because it can get pretty lonely in this little apartment these days!

M

The best nurse

This is what happens when you have IV meds at home. I’d take this over the hospital any day!

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Don’t worry, I stopped her before she did any harm ;)

Also that is my aunt in the background. Today is her and my mom’s 60th birthday (twins, silly!) and they chose to spend it with little old house bound me! I am so happy to have them here :)

I also rented a wheel chair so I can get out of the house a bit, so hopefully I’ll be up to taking them for dinner later!

M