Merry Sickmas to me!

So Christmas has come and gone once again, and unfortunately this year I spent most of it pretty sick, hence my witty title ;)
The holidays have been a bit frustrating for me this year so far because of this.  Having to back out of plans at the last minute because of being a sickie, does not make me a happy camper. The main thing I was upset that I couldn’t do was Christmas dinner with my boyfriend’s family, which I was really looking forward to. Instead I spent the night on the couch, eating soup by the fire and feeling a bit bad for myself. Merry Christmas to my box of kleenex!

It’s hard not to get a bit mad at my body in these situations. I can’t help but blame my MS for my always catching colds and getting sick so easily. The meds I take are definitely not helping that, when they are meant to suppress your immune system, you’re not left with much to fight off any incoming germs. It’s upsetting because its just yet another time that MS has come to bite me in the butt… okay not literally, but let’s just say that my MS and I are not on speaking terms right now. My MS needs some time to think about what it’s done and apologize for it! Thankfully everyone has been understanding so far about the situation, because when I’m sick, it’s more than just the cold that is holding me back. All my MS symptoms act up a bit more than usual also. So I’m a little extra spasmy and foggy right now. Not to mention the lack of energy and leg issues.

I really just want to be better in time for New Year’s Eve, because I’ve been looking forward to spending it with my special someone for the first time, and I want to be able to get out and celebrate the start of a new year, leaving behind all of the craziness of 2014!

Keep your fingers crossed for me, bloggies!

M

Advertisements

The relationship MSer?

A while ago I wrote about trying to get into the (online) dating world as someone living with MS, which I actually did! And as I’ve since mentioned, I met a wonderful guy, who knows all about my MS and has been more than understanding about it all so far. We even decided to make it “facebook official”, which apparently is what has to happen these days, or else people don’t believe you’re together ;). But everyone has been really supportive of it, which is great!

Although it has been great, being in this new relationship has also shown me a whole new side to living with this thing they call MS. I’ve found a lot of new ways that it can impact my life, that I hadn’t really thought much about before. These days I’ve been especially aware of my limitations, and have found some new ones I didn’t really know about. I’ve also realized that there’s a lot about me that I have to explain, and share, which can feel a bit scary at times. Like having to use my cane for the first time in front of him felt daunting, but ended up being much less of a big deal then I had built it up to be in my head. Just sometimes it’s hard not to worry that it will all be too much, and it’ll scare him off..Though the response I’ve gotten so far makes me feel like I’ve found a good one!

Dating someone while living with MS just means there’s a bit more thought that has to go into things. Like any plans we make, we have to think if theres going to be a lot of walking, and what happens if I’m having a bad day, do I need my cane, how late will I be out and should I bring my meds, and the list goes on and on. But I’m (slowly) learning to let go a bit of these worries and just take it as it comes, it is just becoming my new normal.  Sure, a lot of the time I wish I didn’t have to think about all of that stuff, and how much easier life would be with out that nasty MS interrupting it all…but in the end, it feels worth it, because it makes me happy to be doing it in spite of it all. And who knows, without my MS diagnosis maybe I wouldn’t have pushed myself to try the whole online dating thing in the first place! I was always a bit intimidated by it all, but it just felt like the right time to try! Life is short and it’s not worth holding yourself back from the things you want. This has become more apparent to me recently, I mean I think I always knew that in theory, but never really applied it to my own life. Though it’s all a bit different, and in some ways harder now, it feels even more important than ever to try and live life to its fullest. I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out on anything because I was too afraid to try.

I hope that all of this just continues to motivate me to do more and push through the hard parts, because in the end, happiness is always worth the struggle it takes to get there.

M

Blargh!

I know I’ve been writing a lot about trying to stay positive these days, and I really am. It’s just that sometimes having MS can be a real piss off. When a bad day turns into a bad week, and plans have to be cancelled or I have to struggle to get through them, it’s hard not to get kind of upset. Especially when some people just don’t want to be understanding about it. It’s frustrating. It makes hard to keep the positivity going. Once in a while I just have to let myself be mad about it for a minute.

I’ll go back to trying to stay positive tomorrow. Today I just want to say a big FU to my MS.

M

Bad days..

So I’m still focusing on my “ignore and conquer” mission, as I’ve mentioned on here a couple of times. I’ve really been trying to do more, and carry on living life in spite of not feeling great. I’m really am trying to learn to live with my new “normal”, but every once in a while there’s just too much going on to ignore and act as if nothing is wrong (my acting skills have really come a long way though ;) ). Some days, are just bad days. This can be really frustrating, especially when there is so much you want to do, and your body just wont let you. But it happens, wether we like it or not!  Because of these bad days, I’m learning that I need to allow myself time to just take it easy now and then, and not feel badly for it. It’s something I can’t control, so I’m trying to accept this about my life, which isn’t exactly an easy task, but I’m working on it.

Yesterday was one of those not great days, and to be honest it’s sort of carried over to today a bit too, which sucks, but what can ya do. On these types of days, I try to just let myself do nothing.  Just rest, and relax, and not give myself a hard time about doing that. I’m lucky enough to be able to take days like that, so I just treat it as a lay-around-and-watch-movies-all-day day. On a Tuesday. But I think it’s allowed in this case! If there’s one thing I think that all MSers deserve, it’s the understanding (from both other people, and ourselves)  that sometimes we just need to take a day. When bad days happen it’s easy to feel a bit down, and focus on the negatives of this whole MS situation. This doesn’t really help anything. So in order to avoid that, I have to remind myself to be proud of the progress I’ve made recently, and hope to continue to do. I’ve come a long way, looking back on how I was a couple of years ago when I was first diagnosed and didn’t even want to leave my apartment, and was fine with spending all of my time doing nothing. I’ve done things now that I really didn’t think I would do back then. I’m in a new relationship, trying new things, and looking into options that excite me as a possible career in the future, stuff like that! So I think I should just be thankful of what I have accomplished, and give myself a bit of break now and then!

And then tomorrow is a new day :)

M