Today is World MS Day. This year, we are asked to share what makes us “stronger than MS”. For me, what makes me feel strong are the people that support me through it everyday. First and foremost, my family, who I would never have gotten through the past few years without. Supporting me through every hospital visit, every doctors appointment, and every bad day. My friends, the ones that stuck around and continued to remember that I am still the person I always was, even though I may do things a bit differently now. Also the new friends that I’ve met because of my MS, who I am so very thankful for. My boyfriend, who makes me feel like it’s okay when I’m not up to doing something we had planned on, and understands no matter what, reminding me that it’s not my fault. These people all make it so I feel like I can get through it even when I’m at my worst, and remind me that I have to fight, even when I feel like I can’t.
For them, I try every day to be #StrongerThanMS
I’m feeling a bit mad at the universe today. It’s starting to feel like it has it out for me!
I’ve just sort of been dealing with a lot of crap these days. The usual MS stuff, this weird foggy/dazed feeling head that I’ve had forever, as well as a really messed up back which has left me in a bunch of pain most of the time. I’ve been trying my best to do as much as I can still, and today I felt like I would be somewhat productive and get myself to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, get some lunch, things like that. I was thinking I was doing pretty well in spite of already feeling sore, just walking along on the side walk, taking in the (sometimes strange) sites of downtown Toronto, when a guy on his bike slammed into me out of no where. Well he was coming from somewhere, but I definitely didn’t notice until I heard him starting to yell, moments before he hit me. He smashed into me, ran over my foot and knocked me to the ground. I immediately started to cry as it was already painful, falling on my butt/tailbone that has already been bothering me for weeks now. So there I was, on the ground, and the first thing I thought about was how I wished I had my foldable cane out (it was in my bag) to hit him back with! A couple of girls who were near by came to my side and started asking if I needed an ambulance, which I did not, and a man helped me to my feet, which I was struggling to do on my own. It all happened really fast, and I was in shock. I went to sit on a near by stoop and the guy who hit me apologized and continued on, into the near by building after I said through tears that I was okay, and told him off for being on the sidewalk (which is not allowed in Toronto!). I didn’t know what else to do. The guy who helped me up said I should have called the police, and had him arrested, or try to sue him or something, but to be honest, he looked like life had not been kind to him, missing teeth, dirty clothes, heading into the financial aid office, and I just didn’t see a point. Nothing was broken, I was just shaken up and really sore, everywhere, from the whole ordeal, and wanted to go home. Once I got home, the extent of how much pain I was in started to set in, and now I think that I will be doing a lot more laying down on heating pads the next couple of days.
Now I know saying the universe has it out for me sounds a bit dramatic, I know that sometimes shit happens to everyone. It’s just in time like these I just want to yell at the world and say how it’s not fair to keep piling on! It would be nice to be cut a little slack.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything here. Sorry! I guess I’ve been a bit preoccupied with other things. Mostly just not feeling well, and trying to figure it out. Ended up going back on a 5 day course of steroids a few weeks ago, which is never enjoyable, but I thankfully didn’t have too severe of side effects this time. So here I am now, just trying again to move forward and deal with other issues, like the back problems I’ve started having again on top of everything else. It can all feel overwhelming some times, but I’m trying my best to focus on other things.
One example of other things, this weekend is the MS walk, happening across Canada! I’ll be going to the one in my hometown, just outside of Toronto, with some of my family, which is really cool. We’re going to volunteer and help out with whatever they need us to. I will most likely be at table handing out reading material or something like that. This will be my first time attending the event, and I’m looking forward to seeing all of the people that are there to support the fight. It’ll be great to see some recognition and support for MS, which can sometimes feel like there is a lack of.
So just trying again to stay positive, which some days is harder to do than others, but all I can do is try!
One day at a time