We’ve been talking about getting a dog for a long time now, and I’ve had my doubts and worries. Will I be able to help walk it? Or play and entertain it enough? Can I keep up with the energy of a dog? All things I really worried about. But. We decided to try anyways. We went to the Toronto Humane Society, because I volunteer there and really think they do a wonderful thing! They take such care of the animals and are of course a no kill shelter. 

I saw Sherman on their website, and I instantly loved him. I had to go and meet him. So we decided it was time, let’s just go and meet him and see how things go. We of course fell in love with him, he jumped right into our laps and we couldn’t say no. He’d met a lot of people already, but they all decided not to take him because he had recently come in from a shelter in California and has  been fixed, at 5 years old, and they found an enlarged testicle which turned out to be cancerous. They thoroughly tested him after and he was given the all clear, but there’s always that small chance. We just felt like we could give him a happy life, the poor thing. So we placed him on hold to be picked up the next day! Things got a little stressful from there, but he still is that sweet boy that we just know will be the best companion for us. 

He does have some issues though. Sherman (we kept the name they gave him because it’s so cute!) has some pretty bad anxiety. Which is causing me pretty bad anxiety. So far we haven’t left him alone for long, but he started just howling his head off when we did. This is one of my biggest concerns, living in a building full of people! But he’s also fearful of bigger dogs, we’ve now learned, and he growls and barks at them. This has made walking him very stressful for me. I’m so afraid that the other bigger dogs will hurt him. He’s only 10 pounds! The plan is for my boyfriend to take him for longer walks before and after work, and for me to do the short ones during the day, but I’m already worried about it, and have been in a constant state of panic for the last 24 hours feeling like, was this a big mistake? Are we the right people to help this kind of animal? I hope so. 

Today I tried my first solo walk, and didn’t go very far, and he started to growl at a pack of big dogs so I tried to just pull him in the other direction and give treats etc. As I was told to do. But I felt fumbly and scared and stressed, which I know he can feel from me too! So I’m left feeling a bit inadequate right now. Which is kind of what I was afraid of. That I wouldn’t be enough. It’s been way harder on me than I expected. I’m actually surprised at the reaction I’ve had. 

So, we’re going to get a trainer to help us, just in the meantime I’m a giant ball of stress and tears trying to get through it. I can definitely feel how that affects my body, and it’s not good. My legs are extra weak and I’m just exhausted. MS does not like stress. But I really, truly, want to get through this and be the kind of owner I know he deserves. Already he’s made us happy, he’s just so sweet, and it’s especially nice company when it’s just the two of us. Well three, because my crazy cat is locked in the bedroom for the time being so we can slowly introduce them, but that’s a whole other story. She did just manage to open the door by pulling under the crack at the bottom of the door though… Oh dear. 

I’ve heard so many wonderful stories from other chronically ill or disabled people about how the love of a dog has brought them so much joy, and I really hope we can get to that part soon because I don’t think my nerves can take much more.