Fatigue is a symptom that a lot of people with MS struggle with at some point. For me it seems to vary. Sometimes it’s worse, sometimes it’s not as bad. Right now, it’s worse. This is one of those symptoms that people have trouble understanding. Fatigue is not the same as feeling sleepy. Fatigue is much more than just something a quick nap will cure. For me, it’s like my mind is half asleep and doesn’t want to work properly, and my body is off hibernating somewhere. It’s hard, and it’s frustrating, and it can leave me an emotional mess at times. There are medications that doctors prescribe for this, but none have helped me yet, and it’s a bit of a guessing game if any will.
I have, for as long as I can remember, had issues with sleep. I’ve always had a hard time falling, and staying asleep, which really doesn’t help my fatigue situation. I never really feel rested when I wake up, but sometimes it’s even worse and I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept in days. Now I don’t know if you have ever actually gone a couple of days without sleeping, but try to imagine what you would feel like if you did. You would probably be pretty grumpy, wouldn’t you? Pretty groggy? Well I feel like that, but my body also just feels heavy, slow and sore, and my head is a foggy mess. It’s like I’m walking through the day in a haze. Sometimes I have to make myself get out of bed in the morning, though all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep the day away. Having sleep issues seperate from this has been making this desire to keep sleeping impossible however, my body has been deciding that it’s time to wake up, even though I’m still exhausted, and not allowing me to get back to sleep. Right now I’ve been laying in bed for the last 2+ hours trying to get back to sleep. Can’t sleep. Can’t get up. So here I am writing this. (And hopefully it makes some sense!)
Anyways, I think I just wanted to write this to explain it as best as I could. It’s hard when no one understands what I mean, or asks me why im so tired, or try to say that they feel that way too. You don’t. It’s different. Thanks for trying to relate, but it’s different. Sometimes people with MS, or other chronic illnesses, just need a little understanding, and to be cut a little slack in this department. Sometimes we might have to cancel plans, or try to get through them anyways but aren’t completely there. Every day is different. It bugs me when people say things like “well you were fine the other day!”. What difference does that make? Yesterday I was tired, and went through with my plans for they day anyways, tried my best to get through it, and today I’m exhausted. Just writing this is taking everything I have. Every day is different, and unpredictable. Today is t great, but hopefully tomorrow will be better.
One day at a time.